resolutions 2010
- I’ll write more.
I love to write, and I feel like I don’t do much of it anymore. When I do try, I never publish them because they are still rough drafts, and not for the world to read. - I’ll censor myself less.
I’ve also come to the realisation that I’m quite a private person. After writing something nice, I end up censoring and editing to remove the specifics. While I want to share my life with you, I don’t want just anyone to read and understand me too well. What a dilemma. - I’ll take more photos.
Ever since I changed my phone from the SE to Nokia, I stopped using the camera almost at all. I really miss that handy and trusty camera in my k800i! The camera in my e71 simply doesn’t match up. I’m considering getting a small camera, but at the same time I don’t think I’d bring it out much to take photos like before. Anyhow. Baby steps. I’ll just take more photos first. - Drink more water. Watch my weight.
I need to be healthy. - Love myself, live my life.
This may sound very generic and cliche, but this is something I really need to make my own life mantra (on top of the “live my life without regrets” one).
I try so hard at work, but is it what I want to do? I’m not happening to my job, my job is happening to me. While it’s true that I can’t effect changes at my level, but just looking at my boss. Is that what I want to be doing? Because that is indeed where I’m heading, if I continue what I am doing. - Bring my parents on a holiday.
We are already trying to plan for this. Just got to make it work! - Make a little more effort for the people dear to me
It was a rude shock when I attended a dear friend’s dad’s funeral recently. Just seeing how much weight she lost, how pale she became… Realising how tough it is for her and her family. I could have been there for her, more than I was. I’ll be there for you more, and work should not be more important than my loves.
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NaNoWriMo
It’s been many years since I’ve tried this out, and I don’t think I’ll actually have the time to do this, but I will try, because it might turn out to be a great destress during my month of examinations. This also explains why I’m hiding my story here.
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The thing about having me all to myself is that I don’t have to share.
The gladness I felt first, was the freedom I had, to not have to account my actions, moods or mistakes to anyone. It was important to me as I’ve been feeling stifled in my life, by all those who loved me. I don’t mean to sound unappreciative, but at the same time I do prefer having some space of my own. I don’t have to share my time, thoughts and reasons with someone all the time. And although this sounds awfully selfish, I’m honestly selfish.
The thing about having me all to myself is that I can’t seem to share, even if I wanted to.
There’s no one I can call for no reason at all, other than to hear his or her voice, or to complain whimsically about something ridiculous. There’s no one I could whine to because I’m feeling lousy or having a bad day, or tell excitedly something good that happened. There’s no you in my life whom I can be totally utterly honest with, with almost no fear of being rejected. Even though there are people who love and care for me, family and friends, I’m still very much alone.
The thing about having me all to myself is that I have to be independent. I have to stand on my own two feet, to think for myself, to love myself, to forgive myself, to be there for myself. It sounds easy, but believe me when I say it isn’t, and that it may take me a lifetime to do so.
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Tags: alone, care, family, forgive, freedom, friends, independent, lifetime, love, selfish, share, space, stand, think
